All posts tagged: #compassion

All My Favorite People are Broken – Kintsukuroi Revisited

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We snuck out to the back porch ready to tell each other secrets in the swampy Georgia heat. Sitting under the whirring fan, wine in hand, feet up, and heads laid back, we started our confessions. She broke her daughter’s spirit. I broke my son’s confidence. Her marriage was cracking where it used to be strong. My marriage was chipped and sometimes it hurt to pick it up to look at it. Her church broke her heart. My church broke mine. My old soulmate unfriended me. Her colleagues were lying. So much brokenness. Like someone knocked over a china cabinet right there in front of us. Shattered plates, chipped cups, cracked bowls. We were broken. Our most treasured relationships were broken. We sighed. I remembered Kintsukuroi. I wrote about it two years ago, and it remains one of my most popular posts about compassion, forgiveness, and parenting (please read that here and come back). Kintsukuroi: “Kintsugi (Japanese: “golden repair”) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or …

Long Days of Small Things – World Changer Wednesday

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“Long Days of Small Things is a book that looks at the real life work we do in our everyday lives, and finds God right there in the midst of it. We think of spirituality as something that happens in our minds, in silence. We are taught that our bodies, our mess and complications and noise hold us back from being with God. That doesn’t leave a lot of hope for moms, whose pregnant or post-partum bodies, newborns, toddlers, and van-full of carpool kids have no end of loud, messy, physical, chaotic needs.” – Catherine McNiel

Comparison Game

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My first job out of college was at a Chicago homeless shelter. They provided drop-in services on cold winter nights and a year-round residential program for recovering homeless addicts. I did donor relations and lived in a crowded apartment above the shelter. I was invited to hang out with the residents whenever I wanted, including daily breakfast downstairs before work. Every morning, 13 residents would get up from the tables to form a circle in the warm cloud of Cook Lula’s spicy potatoes and onions. The tallest resident would boom, “Hook up the cables! I need a jump start!” We joined hands and closed our eyes. They thanked God for their warm beds and the roof over their heads. They thanked God for Mr. Jay and Mr. Brian teaching them how to stay clean and get jobs. Then one morning one man earnestly prayed, “I thank you, God, for the use of all my limbs.” Everyone nodded, murmured, and moaned their agreement. Never, ever in my life had I passionately thanked God for the use …

Mary’s Socks – World Changer Wednesday

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Last October we featured World Changer, Mary Reczek. She’s a little girl in Wheaton, Illinois who set a goal to collect 800 socks for SOCKTOBER. But she received 1370(!), and with plenty of October left to go, she upped her goal to 2000(!). Last year Mary received 2635 pairs of socks for Chicago’s homeless! After that, Mary, and her brothers, Charlie, and Sam, went with World Changer Warrior Gayle Bloink several times into the city to feed, clothe, and pray with the homeless there.  The socks lasted almost an entire year. Because they had so many socks generously donated  last year, they were able to always have socks with them when they brought food on Saturdays. The socks were almost more important than the food!  So many homeless friends have come to hope for socks each week. It is difficult to turn them away.  Mary hated when she would run out on any given week. So for Mary’s birthday this year she would like to collect **3000 pairs of socks** for Chicago’s homeless by 10/31/16. (Here is …

The Stupid Cupcakes

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[featured at The Mudroom 10/20/16] He found me lying there on the ground, spread eagle in dirty yoga pants, my back brace, and an apron. The TV sounded faint and tinny in the basement where the kids ran and hid when I started yelling. “What happened, honey? Are you okay?” Chris rushed to my side. “I can’t do this. Why are we doing this? I don’t want to do this anymore.” “How many cupcakes did you make today?” he sighed. “264. But I need 300. I miscounted. I have to make more for that damn baseball team. I promised.” “Why did you promise to make 300 cupcakes? We can’t do that.” “We’re doing it for ORPHANS! Because God loves orphans! Remember?! They have a crappy life and no parents and big diseases and we can’t even make cupcakes! We suck!” He pulled me up and hugged me. “Aim. You can’t keep doing this. We don’t have an industrial kitchen. We don’t have a staff. We have a tiny 90 year old kitchen and really intense …

Jodie Kitchens – World Changer Wednesday

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What if you wake up one morning and realize you’ve been only listening to your brain, and not your heart? What do you do? How do you start something new? I have come to know Jodie Kitchens through the magic of Facebook and our shared love for Haiti Partners. She is intelligent, passionate, fierce, hard-working, and from what I can tell, inexhaustible! After decades in corporate financial services, she joyfully changed her focus toward active compassion. I love her story. I’d love to hear what resonates with you! Thank you for being with us, Jodie! Please introduce yourself! My heart is all about “Helping Families in Crisis While Having Adventures and Learning.” About 2 ½ years ago, I had my moment. On a hillside near Fort Jacques,in Haiti, I reached my limit and sent my son James and Haiti Partners Director John Engle on up the hill to our original destination of a fort. As I sat, I watched the ants and a lizard go about their day, then I heard church singing waft through …

Dr. Jamie Aten – World Changer Wednesday

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I am so thankful for the timing and content of this World Changer Wednesday post. We’re all watching Hurricane Matthew. It’s ravaging the Caribbean, and we are bracing for impact in the southeastern US. What a gift we can feature Dr. Jamie Aten, the Founder and Co-Director of the Humanitarian Disaster Institute. Jamie survived Hurricane Katrina and late-stage cancer. He is an expert on serving those going through trauma and disaster. He teaches, speaks, travels, serves, and writes. I’m so grateful he’s here to share his personal story, big ideas, and practical resources for coping with personal and natural disasters. Please tell us about yourself, Jamie! I am a disaster psychologist, author, and speaker. I help others cultivate faith and resilience amidst personal, mass, and humanitarian disasters. I don’t just study disasters—I have lived disasters. I am a Hurricane Katrina and a late-stage cancer survivor in remission. I channel these experiences into helping others live more resiliently and into helping churches minister more effectively. I hold an endowed research professorship and help train clinical psychology doctoral students at …

Heroes or Neighbors?

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(featured on Evangelicals for Social Action September 13, 2016) “So what does this have to do with refugees?” I asked my kids at breakfast. “I don’t know. Maybe the naked part?” my son offered. “He’s naked? That’s what ‘stripped him of his clothes’ means? He’s lying naked on the road all beat up?!” my youngest daughter asked, shocked. “Yeah, it makes me think of those people washed up on the beach. The ones trying to get away from ISIS,” my oldest daughter thought aloud. I swallowed hard. We were reading the Good Samaritan story for clues about how God might want us to treat refugees for our Family Compassion Focus this year. This graphic imagery wasn’t on a webpage or TV news; it was in the Bible. That day we weren’t going to rush past the hard parts of the Jesus’ teaching. We were going to stop and stay there all summer, copying and memorizing every word, reciting them to each other in silly voices to make it stick, and asking each other what it really means. “Why do you think …

CAC – World Changer Wednesday

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Are you compassionate? I’m not. My heart doesn’t naturally bend toward suffering with other people. My heart bends towards whatever is going to make my life better in that moment. For me, compassion is an often hard choice, that through years of slow practice, I’m learning to make more often. I started making these choices after a long season of reflection, contemplation, and yes, counseling, under the big fat umbrella of God’s grace. Because only there I can bear to see the true state of my own heart, and my own aching need for others to be compassionate with me. My friend Sam recently completed an official program for spiritual formation. Once I heard he graduated I pounced and asked if he would share some of the things he learned, and how they could help us all be more compassionate. I’m so thankful he was willing to do it. In the interview below Sam generously and bravely shares the who, what, when, where, how and why of his journey toward contemplation and action, and how that might help us …

Refuge Coffee Company – World Changer Wednesday

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Refugees get a lot of airtime these days. We’ve all seen the pictures of the overcrowded rafts and dead children washed on shore. We hear about what governments open their doors to them, and which ones have them tightly shut. We hear about Muslims, immigration, and walls all the time in this year’s unfortunate election jibber jabber. It’s a lot to figure out. Are refugees scammers? Just looking for better opportunities in better countries? Are refugees victims? Running for their lives from crazy leaders in hard places. Are refugees uneducated fools? Draining every person, place, and organization they encounter? Are refugees undercover sleeper agents? Slowly weaseling their way into our country to eventually destroy us? When we talk about refugees at our house, we talk about them as people. Refugees are people. They are dads that want their little girls to be safe. They are mamas grieving their dead sons. They are little kids that like toys and candy and are afraid of bad guys. Like all humans they need food, water, and shelter to survive. …

Slow Kingdom Coming – World Changer Wednesday

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One of my favorite people is Kent Annan. I’ve known Kent for 21 years, since we were living in Europe doing things like serving refugees, doing economic development, and managing bed and breakfasts. One night he was tasked with keeping me, my mom, and my sister busy while Chris (his BFF) asked my dad for my hand. He was a good sport. Kent delights in empowering and connecting people with humility, grace, and good humor. He does this as a friend, author, and co-Director of Haiti Partners. He was the one we called with the earthquake hit Haiti in 2010. He was the reason our family first experimented with compassion. He has walked along side us and cheered us on from the very beginning. Kent’s newest book, Slow Kingdom Coming, gripped my heart when I read it last winter. I strongly resonate with the vision, hope, and 5 Practices he shares. He talks honestly about how hard it is to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly. But instead of that being an excuse or a deterrent, he …

FREE Family Tool Kit

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Change takes time. I love watching turn-around shows because they give the satisfaction of a total transformation in less than an hour. It skips most of the slog and waiting and indecision, highlights one problem, offers a valiant solution, and then ta-da! The house, kitchen, hoarder’s room, bride, or dowdy dresser is now brand new. It’s addictive. I want that quick change everywhere, and get mad when it doesn’t happen. I went to counseling hard core for 9 years and still have flaws. My kids still think toothbrushing is optional. My marriage is still the safest and hardest thing I know. My faith is full of gaps. It’s even harder when I think about the world. Will refugees ever stop dying at sea? Will ISIS ever be thwarted? Will homelessness end? Will there always be orphans, dirty water, jails, and sex trafficking? I can’t take it. My kids can’t take it either. And that’s why we started having a Family Compassion Focus every year. We want to be World Changers. We want to “defend the weak and the …

The Luggage

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One hot summer day, after swimming lessons and before an afternoon at the Art Institute of Chicago, we went to our homeless shelter. The parking lot was packed. I was wearing a short black dress, had my makeup, nails, and hair done. My kids were in clean clothes with hair still wet from the pool. We parked our shiny new minivan, looked around, and pulled out 7 suitcases. I strapped the hanging bags on my shoulders and carried two smaller ones, the big kids pushed two giant rollies, Greta dragged a bag. We lugged them across the soft asphalt and got in line at the front door. I took a deep breath in the hot sun. I whispered to the kids, “Be kind. Be polite. Do not touch each other or fight. Smile at everyone.” They looked around, a little scared. An old guy with a dirty shirt and beard blocked the doorway with his big belly. Two little girls with black pigtails and turquoise shorts giggled under a tree. Lots of tall skinny guys in undershirts …

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations – World Changer Wednesday

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When I met John Crilly (aka “Crilly”), he was hosting a loud party at his house. I think he had one of his hats on, and was smiling so big it made my face hurt. Whenever someone would walk in the front door he would shout something like, “HEY EVERYBODY! IT’S PETE AND WENDY DAVIS!” And everyone in the room would cheer. He did this for hours. Crilly is a really touchy feely extrovert who is energized meeting new people and doing new things. He’s up for anything. But he’s also up for getting quiet if you have have a question or need to talk. My kids like to FaceTime him to tell him jokes about boogers. He’s a safe place. Crilly will share his big heart to give you the joy, safety, and attention you need in that moment. That’s why I’m not surprised he was a part of writing The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations. His passion for all kinds of people, for Jesus, for hope, and healing has been hard won, and it’s infectious. Hey …

MOPS + Sole Hope – World Changer Wednesday

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When I had young children I was in lockdown mode most of the time. I didn’t want to gather with other moms and hear their own crying babies, chronic fatigue, and familiar complaints. All I wanted was silence and alone time. I regret that now. I wish I would have taken up one of the dozens of offers to join playgroups, story times, or MOPS. I think I would have found the understanding and revitalizing courage I needed. Last month I got to visit two MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) groups in California. These moms show up to hear and serve each other with empathetic grace. They show up wearing, nursing, shushing, and smiling at their babies. They show up hungry to gather and grow. I was moved by their persevering love. One of the moms, named Stephanie, was introducing a service project to MOPS called “Sole Hope.” It sounded great! I wanted to hear how the project went, so I asked for her contact info. I texted her right away from the plane, “Taking off. …

Welcome Rolling Hills MOPS!

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Hello New Friends! I was happy to be with you this morning at Rolling Hills Church. I love the way you’ve chosen to meet together to hold each other up in the tender season of parenting young children. I hope my stories were not burdensome to you. I pray that little seeds of hope and compassion were planted in your hearts. And please remember, you are already doing compassion every day. Here are a few highlights and reminders: Moms, you are already Compassion Experts (read more here). If my messy family can practice Compassion, yours can too (read more here). You might think you have Nothing, but God can make it Something (read more here). For more about our family’s very first Compassion experiment, there’s our 2010 Haiti story (read more here). If you don’t believe that I actually dressed up as a Chicken and did the Chicken Dance at the bus stop  because I love my daughter and the children of Haiti, here’s the evidence: My Chicken Dance at G’s bus stop: Aimee at the Bus Stop Video Haiti Partner’s video back to us: Beautiful video from Haiti Partners Children’s …

Welcome Alameda MOPS!

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Hello New Friends! I was honored to be with you this morning at Bay Farm Church. I was deeply touched by the way you gather together to hear, encourage, and celebrate each other. I hope my stories were not burdensome to you. I pray that little seeds of hope and compassion were planted in your hearts. And please remember, you are already doing compassion every day. Here are a few highlights and reminders: Moms, you are already Compassion Experts (read more here). If my messy family can practice Compassion, yours can too (read more here). You might think you have Nothing, but God can make it Something (read more here).  If you don’t believe that I actually dressed up as a Chicken and did the Chicken Dance at the bus stop  because I love my daughter and the children of Haiti, here’s the evidence: My Chicken Dance at G’s bus stop: Aimee at the Bus Stop Video Haiti Partner’s video back to us: Beautiful video from Haiti Partners Children’s Academy All of us dancing together in Haiti: Chicken Dance All Together …

The Pruett Family – World Changer Wednesday

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Julie is a new friend in Georgia. We were introduced by a visiting mutual friend on a hot summer day, then finally connected on a gray, rainy fall day at Starbucks. We talked about the mysteries of perfectionism, middle school boys, and life in our unique town. But then we started talking about compassion. And it was like we shared our true hearts. We both are trying to raise un-entitled, generous, compassionate World Changers.  I am really excited to learn from Julie and her family. Be warned – her story below is a such a tease!  I want to know 50 more details about each idea she shares.  I hope we will do compassion experiments together in 2016. Introducing the Pruett Family! My husband Paul and I have two children Tyler (age 13) and Avery (age 9). We have been homeschooling for 3 years and feel so blessed to be able to teach our children from a Christian perspective about the world. Tyler is a born leader and perfectionist. He is training for triathlons, plays …

Our 2016 Family Compassion Focus – World Changer Wednesday

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It’s always nice to start the New Year off with hope. In 2016 we did this with the help of bacon, our best friends, and a new Family Compassion Focus. As I’ve mentioned so many times before, last year was tough. Moving, grieving, re-starting. We have a lot more reflecting to do, but I think we learned more about compassion by needing it instead of giving it. We were hurting and needy, and felt love from old and new friends, God, and each other. I think that’s going to shape things for a long time. This was our fifth time officially choosing a Family Compassion Focus. The first time we decided to intentionally pursue compassion as a family we voted to love and serve Orphans (you can read about that choice here). Last year we voted to love and serve Haiti (you can read about that vote here). We put our blank pages on the fridge early in the week and all added ideas at random times (you can read about the whole process here). I think this is the …

World Changer Wednesday – You

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I’ve been getting lots of tips for 2016. Why is everyone on facebook, instagram, email and text telling me how to be healthier, kinder, more stylish, more mindful, and more productive next year? If I knew how to do all that transforming I would already be doing it. If I had that self-control and discipline I wouldn’t need your planner, juicer, diet, questionnaire, accountability group, or membership. My defenses are high. I don’t feel like a World Changer, especially now, exhausted, surrounded by leftovers, cookies, wine, and noisy kids on Christmas break. I bet you don’t feel like one either. How can I possibly be a World Changer when I gave the kids my fearsome Alligator Face an hour ago? How can they be World Changers when they can’t remember to change their own underwear? Maybe we should all just go back to bed. 2015 was rough for Team Fritz. Chris and I just reviewed the outlandish list of goals and hopes we made during our great date on 1/3/15. We were shocked. Never before have we crossed …

World Changer Wednesday – The Beaird Family

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I really want my kids to be World Changers. I hope they will desire to generously love and serve other people because they are overflowing with grace and joy from God. But how will they learn that? Why would they want to? One year our family chose Orphans as our Family Compassion Focus. My kids couldn’t believe how many orphans were in stories they already knew – Little Orphan Annie, Anne of Green Gables, Moses (Greta wondered if poor Max and Ruby were orphans too). We would say a simple prayer like, “God, help orphans” as we drove around town. Then we researched orphan statistics. The kids learned there were orphans in Uganda – heartbreaking. Then they discovered there were orphans in the United States – surprising. And in Illinois – shocking. And in Wheaton – unacceptable. The kids prayed, “God, why are there so many orphans! Help!” We studied bible verses about the fatherless. The kids prayed, “Every kid needs parents, God! Help!” As the weeks went on, and we kept researching and praying, asking and listening. We all started …

Poop on Christmas

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Our Christmas is going down the toilet.  And it’s a good thing. I’m always trying to figure out ways to connect with my 11 year old son. I made it through the Thomas trains phase, the Matchbox cars phase, the Dinosaur phase, and the Pokemon phase. Now we’re in some weird tween boy limbo. He recently asked if he can start hunting. Except for Star Wars, Harry Potter, and a very occasional chess game, we have little in common. Most of our conversations are me nagging him about homework and hygiene. It’s kind of sad. On New Years Day when we voted for Haiti as our 2015 Family Compassion Focus, the kids all declared what they were looking to do there: “Something with kids!” – Greta “Something with chickens!” – Zoë “Something with toilets!” – Caleb Over the next several weeks we got the laptop out at breakfast and researched the country and it’s hard history. We studied it’s weather, people, and natural disasters. We read aloud from more than 30 different websites to learn what different nonprofits are doing …

Fighters

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I hate The Walking Dead. Many very smart, sensitive, and spiritual people love the show, like my husband, but not me. It’s not the haunted house make-up or the constant gargle of zombies that bother me. It’s that in order to survive, you have to kill. I hate it. We now live 15 minutes from where the series is filmed, so I’m trying to watch this season. I’m also trying to win Best Wife Ever. I ask about 35 questions per episode, but Chris still invites me to join him every freaking time. A couple of weeks ago I groaned, “I cannot take it. If the zombies come, honey, just kill me. I wouldn’t want to live like this.” Chris set his jaw, clenched his fist, and looked at me as if I just confessed an affair. He said, “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. We are fighters. We are survivors.” We told the kids about the attacks in Paris on Friday night at dinner. They asked if it was ISIS. I reluctantly told them …

Shopping Spree

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There are so many different ways to be a World Changer. When I read the post below from Stephanie Marsiglio I was smiling, encouraged, and inspired. I begged permission to share it here. Thank you, Stephanie! “The kids asked for Descendents costumes for Halloween (@$40 a pop). I told them that if we spent all that money on costumes they would only wear once, we wouldn’t have as much to share with others. So I made them a deal: they had $120 to spend on their costumes. Anything they DIDN’T spend, they could give to someone in need and THEY got to pick who. Suddenly, their attitudes completely changed. They couldn’t wait to see what they could come up with at home with stuff we already had so they could have more money to give away. The ended up spending only $40 total leaving them $80 to give to others. Fast forward to last night. They looked through the World Vision catalog for an hour trying to decide what to get and eventually settled on a goat …

Trading Hope

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Our family has done lots of compassion experiments to raise money and awareness for world changing organizations. We made soap and gourmet lemonade for clean water in Africa. We made ornaments to give a house warming party for a formerly homeless family. We baked cupcakes to help orphaned and imprisoned children in Uganda. This year our Family Compassion Focus is Haiti, and we’ve chosen to work with Haiti Partners. But our circumstances are different than previous years. We live in a new state and don’t have the kind of network one builds after living somewhere 19 years. And we don’t have the energy it takes to make thousands of dollars worth of crafts. I’ve been wondering how we can finish 2015 strong, giving Haiti Partners what we have. Especially without using a chicken suit. Greta and I visited the Haiti Partners Children’s Academy in Haiti in October. We did the Chicken Dance, stayed in the mountains, and learned some Creole words. When we asked Greta what she wanted to get Jesus for his birthday present she said she wanted …

World Changer Wednesday – Danielle

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Do you think beauty can change the world? Let me tell you about my friend Danielle. She creates beauty. Her paintings capture vivid colors, haunting beauty, and secret tenderness. They have been featured at several galleries and art shows. But she also went into my kids’ classrooms with her easel and paints, letting 5 year olds touch her work and asking them to help name her pieces. She designs beauty. She can see potential everywhere. Clients want her to make their homes and offices inviting, artistic, and practical. This is easy for her. But even as the expert she extends grace and confidence as they participate in the process. Clients are empowered and grateful when they see their ambigious ideas come to life. She celebrates beauty. Whether it’s at the Art Institute, renegade craft fairs, or a garage sale, she finds amazing things. She appreciates lines, colors, form, and function. She loves when a piece has a history. This year she found all these things in a new place, and it has changed her. She can’t stop talking about it. Introducing …

Update – World Changer Wednesday – The Powells

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Last month we met the Powells (that post here). In just a few years their family has grown from casual, convenient compassion to radical, intentional compassion. They sought out new ways to love those hurting around them, and surrendered their free time, family time, money and relationships to do it. I asked Amy if she could share how their most recent World Changing, Heart Changing, Family Changing trip went. I begged for scoop from her and each of her 3 kids. I couldn’t wait to see pictures. When I downloaded them I was captivated. The Powells radiate joy in Kenya. It’s that gift that comes with surrender. When you give what you have to God, he gives you joy. And you can’t help but share that joy with everyone around you. Summary of the Powell’s Trip to Kenya October 2015 by Amy, Allie, Jack, and Cooper This was the third trip to Kenya for me (Amy) and my daughter, Allie, and the second for my sons, Jackson & Cooper. My husband, Corey, has been before, but he was unable …

World Changer Wednesday – Mary

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Do you let your kids talk to strangers? When you see a homeless person do you avoid eye contact and tug at your kids’ sleeves to keep walking? Does the big city scare you? My friend Gabi is a World Changer. She has practical ideas, strong opinions and a big heart. Helping other people is a simple, common sense idea to her, and she’s desperate for The Church to cut the crap and get to work. She and I are Stubborn Soul Sisters in this regard. I really do want my kids to be World Changers, but sometimes I chicken out. Our family’s Compassion Focus last year was Homelessness. We focused on our county, town, and school, but we never made it to downtown Chicago. We learned many new things, but we did not learn how to befriend a homeless person on the street. Gabi’s kids have been serving the homeless for a long time. Their daughter Mary started going downtown to love homeless people when she was 5 years old. Look and see what …

World Changer Wednesday – The Powell Family

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Sometimes parents come up to me and say, “We never did that compassion stuff with our kids. We missed out. I guess it’s too late. Maybe I can try something when I have grandkids.” What? No! It’s never too late! The Powell Family started opening their hearts to make room for compassion a few years ago, when their oldest kids were teenagers. They dipped their toe in by sponsoring a child in Kenya. But now they are swimming all over the deep end! Introducing the Powell Family! I am Amy. I am married to my highschool sweetheart, Corey. We have been following the Lord to the best of our ability for our 23 years of marriage. For the first 20 of those, our lives consisted mostly of taking care of our jobs and kids. Corey has owned his own business, and I have homeschooled the kids part-time for much of that. We have always attended church and Bible studies regularly and have been involved in small groups of Christian community, but our service usually involved serving the served and …

World Changer Wednesday – The Evans Family

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Do you have room in your life for compassion?  If your kids asked you to help them Change the World would you say yes?  Does the thought of it make you wince and sigh?  Or does it get you excited? I’ve known Stephanie Evans for more than 20 years. In college I was consistently impressed with her unconditional kindness and quick, eye-sparkling laugh. She was on the leadership team that prepared my group do a summer of service in the inner-city. After college she got married, worked at the Mother Ship for Starbucks, and had kids. Her family is committed to growing in compassion and service. As you read the story below, note the unintentional turning point for compassion in the Evans Family.  It has me thinking hard. Stephanie, tell us about the Evans Family! Erik and I have three kids, Sydney, 13, Kate, 9 and Drew 6. A couple of years ago, I stopped working full time with the intent to spend more time with my family and take better care of myself. I was going …

Chickening Out

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We moved to Georgia this summer. I’m not going to lie, it’s been pretty bad. Swampy, sweaty, constant heat. Unexpected, urgent home repairs. Money flying out the window. Three inch bugs strolling across the floor. Pervasive loneliness. Quiet resentment. Good times. For weeks my kids asked me questions I couldn’t answer about starting their new schools: Who will I eat lunch with? Will anyone be nice to me? What if I get lost? What’s my teacher going to be like? What’s it like to ride the bus? I tried to make a safe place for their constant worries, point them toward hopeful thinking, and pray with them about their worst case scenarios. It was exhausting and scary. By the time the First Day of School came on August 6th I was totally wrung out. I had nothing left. I even threw up from unprecedented anxiety that day. I think that’s called the bottom of the barrel. Now we’re are slowly finding our new normal in the predictability of a school routine. Backpacks and outfits are set out the night before, …

Valentine’s Day Sucks

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As a child, Valentine’s Day meant one thing: Red Hots. I loved those smooth, shiny cinnamon hearts. I ate them until my fingers were stained red and my tongue lost feeling. I ate a pound of red hots in one day a few years ago, as an old lady, and got a stomach ache. So now this delightful holiday treat is ruined for me. As a late-blooming junior higher Valentine’s Day meant one thing:  Confusion. Some of my classmates were giggling and sneaking kisses and basking in the glow of being chosen by a boy with three mustache hairs and body odor. I didn’t get it. I felt embarrassed that I wasn’t chosen, and assumed something must be wrong with me because I didn’t want to be. As an earnest but cynical high schooler (I was a delight!) Valentine’s Day meant one thing: Shame. I wasn’t in love. I liked boys who didn’t like me. I didn’t like the boys who liked me.  I think this is a universal part of high school, but it felt personal. Every single time …

February Checkpoint

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Today is a sunny, bright, frozen day here outside Chicago.  The year still feels new and little.  The icicles are sparkling and the heater is humming.  World Change feels possible. This year my family is focusing on Haiti.  Following the Family Compassion Focus Calendar, we spent January researching the country and different organizations working there.  I had a grand plan of how that would work.  I shared how that totally didn’t work and instead we are still taking a slow research train through these winter weeks. The kids and I have breakfast together every day (my poor husband is out the door before 5:30am).  I’m trying to feed their mind and souls while they slurp grapefruit and smear cream cheese.  We try to read something about the bible, and guess why God sent those words to us for that particular day.  We pray for each other, orphans, the world, and Haiti using lists taped to cabinets above the fridge. (I’m not sure what comes to mind when you picture that, but please make sure it includes someone falling …

Haiti Partners 2

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Haiti Partners is featuring Family Compassion Focus for Part 2 this week (Part 1 here). Our family is honored to be known by such a kind, hard-working, respectful organization.  We are going to have a great year working together!  Please read the post on their website here – you’ll even get a preview of my husband’s crazy fundraising idea at the end. As you read, I hope you will remember that our little family is a mess. We are broken, weak, angry, and confused so often. But somehow we’re still learning about compassion and how to love others. And receive love.  Maybe our blatant problems and brokenness are the key to compassion? Maybe that is what leads us to Jesus. And then right back out to the problems and brokenness and mess. Help us, Lord.

“I Feel Fat”

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How’s your 2015 going so far?  Feeling strong?  Feeling focused?  Feeling beautiful?  Holding tight to hopes and dreams for the year? Umm, not me.  My house feels cold and we’ve had some hard surprises.  I’m coping at the stove, making hearty meals, baking gooey treats, and getting warm.  Last night I think I ate 100 delicious crispy mini tater tots.  So today, in addition to feeling cold and stressed, I feel shame.  Good times. Whenever something feels too intense (i.e. I hate it), I’m trying to get perspective and consider what Compassion could look like in it.  It’s a mental and spiritual discipline that gently erodes my shaming heart and ungratefulness. If you are dealing with tight pants and find yourself muttering, “oh gosh I feel fat,” consider these compassionate alternatives: 1.  Hungry in the Suburbs – I can’t remember the last time I’ve been legitimately hungry.  I fill my Costco and Trader Joes carts with all sorts of unnecessary (but delicious) food, experiment with fun recipes, and frequently get seconds.  But hunger lurks in the corners of my comfortable town.  According to …

Grace and Effort on MLK Weekend

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Last week I cheerily encouraged all of us to move forward with our Asking, Listening, and Researching for the Family Compassion Focus we’ve chosen.  I admitted my family needed a January Checkpoint, too, because we hadn’t started either.  And then I shared my sunny, hopeful plan for a cozy family time of learning, something like Little House on the Prairie, but with the internet. Wow.  That did not happen.  You guys, it didn’t happen at all. On Friday my kids didn’t have school.  I don’t remember a lot of that day except for many loud children running around constantly asking for snacks and more screen time.  I struggled to show Compassion to the people I call my own.  It would have been ridiculous to suggest that my kids use the laptop for researching Haiti instead of playing another hour of Plants vs. Zombies. On Saturday I had a mini nervous breakdown from the nonstop noise, entropy, and expectations ricocheting all over my house.  So much Effort required.  So little Grace to be found.  There was a lot of misdirected anger …

January Checkpoint

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Hello Everyone! We’re midway through January already.  Have you been researching, listening, and asking questions?  Are you moving forward with your Family Compassion Focus? So far this month my family has dealt with sickness, snow days, traveling Dad, first swim meet, and general elementary school drama, but >we have not done anything< to intentionally learn more about the people we have chosen to love and serve this year. It’s never too late.  Grace abounds. We have a four day weekend coming up in honor of World Changer Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  Here’s my plan to help my family get started in a fun way: 1.  Review the recommendations and tools for researching found in the Now What post from 1/15.  They are just tips.  Modify it to best fit your family. 2.  Write down a list of all the tips I received on facebook.  My request for ideas about Haiti yielded more than 30 comments.  It’s so encouraging to know so much good is already happening there. 3.  Write out 3 research tasks for the …

Called to Compassion – Since the Earthquake in Haiti

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[Part Three of a three-part story about what happened when my kids decided we should “Help Haiti” in 2010.]  Recap of the previous two posts about Compassion and the Earthquake in Haiti:   Five years ago a catastrophic 7.0 quake struck Haiti.  My five year old twins heard about it and wanted to help.  This was new.  We tried to listen and equip them to try something.  We did a little bake and craft sale with a $500 goal.  Our friends, neighbors, school, church, and facebook community responded with lavish generosity.  We became a bridge for sending $33,000 to Haiti that year.  It was completely unexpected.  [For the full scoop read “Compassion Catapult – The Earthquake in Haiti” and “Contagious Compassion – The Earthquake in Haiti.”]   Whenever people hear this crazy story they have lots of great questions: Why do you think this happened? Why did your kids want to do something? Why did the school want to help?  Why did you keep saying Yes? Why was it so contagious? Why did it get so big? I have the same questions. I think these are deep Soul questions.  Based in …

Contagious Compassion – The Earthquake in Haiti

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[Part Two of a three-part story about what happened when my kids decided we should “Help Haiti.”  Catch up on Part One, “Compassion Catapult – The Earthquake in Haiti“]   Five years ago Haiti was leveled by a 7.0 magnitude earthquake.  Thousands upon thousands of people died, went missing, became orphans, lost their homes, and lost everything.  When my five year old twins heard about it, they declared that we were going to help.  We had never done anything like it before. Our family was catapulted into a new way of thinking with their declaration .  We spent our free time making cookies, bread, and Valentine ornaments to try to help a family in Haiti rebuild their home. Our lives looked really different for three weeks – all our playdates, evenings, and weekends were about making and delivering things with our own hands to help people we didn’t know.  In the end, friends donated $7678.31  – more than 15x our original goal of $500.  Amazing, humbling, and exciting. But somehow not enough. The week of the earthquake I happened to be walking …

Compassion Catapult – The Earthquake in Haiti

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[Part One of a three-part story about what happened when my kids decided our family was going to help people in Haiti.] Five years ago, on Tuesday, January 12, 2010, a 7.0 magnitude earthquake struck Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. I heard about it on NPR on the way home from picking up my kindergartners.  The breathless reporter on the ground described the crumbled buildings with people trapped inside, the dazed children alone in the streets, and the catastrophic injuries (read a summary of the devastation here).  In typical NPR fashion you could hear her boots crunching on broken cement, people crying, and sirens in the background. When she said something about the children there being so vulnerable, and I looked at my bundled up kids singing in the back row of my deluxe minivan and teared up. The kids asked what was wrong. I told them there was an earthquake in Haiti, where Daddy had been two years ago, and that lots of people were hurt, and lots of little kids needed help. We …

“It’s Cold”

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This the second day my kids’ school was cancelled because it is -25º with the windchill here in Illinois.  It hurts to go outside.  Houses and cars are frozen and refusing to work.  We’ve all got cabin fever.  I need groceries.  The washing machine broke.  Not super smiley today. Whenever something feels too intense (i.e. I hate it), I’m trying to get perspective and consider what Compassion could look like in it.  It’s a mental and spiritual discipline that gently erodes my entitlement and ungratefulness. As you deal with extreme weather you could consider these compassionate responses: 1. Cold & Homeless:  The average age of a homeless person in DuPage County (my affluent county) is EIGHT years old. Most of the homeless here are together in families, not the toothless, mentally unstable, unshaven loners many of us think of.  They are staying in crowded shelters and/or living in their cars during this extreme weather.  Some families are homeless because it is better to be homeless that to stay with their abusive spouse/provider.  Think about that.  We …

Listening

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In January we are hoping to ask questions and research our Family Compassion Focus.  We will slowly gather information to make a broad foundation for a year of loving and serving new people in new, intentional ways. You are asking so many questions.  Asking your kids to help.  Asking your partner for ideas.  Asking the internet for links.  Asking yourself to try new things.  Asking Facebook friends for connections.  Asking the librarian to give you the right books.  You’re doing a lot of talking, a lot of doing, asking all these questions. Are you listening? Are you listening to your partner when they share worries about doing a Compassion Focus, trying to figure out how to fit one more thing into their busy days? Are you listening to your kids when they ask really hard questions about human suffering, the character of God, and why there are “bad guys”? Are you listening to your heart when it beats faster?  When you feel it all the way in your ears?  When you read something so intense …

Now What?

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How to Focus on Compassion as a Family in the Month of January I hope you had a great time voting for a Compassion Focus.  I hope there was easy laughter and secret sweetness as you watched you family’s hearts grow toward something new.  Let’s review what you’ve already done to start a Family Compassion Focus: 1.  Brainstormed ideas for a Family Compassion Focus (tips here) 2.  Voted for a Family Compassion Focus (tips here) 3.  Celebrated your family’s choice (pictures of my family celebrating here) Now you are ready for the next step.  In January you and your family can: 4.  Begin asking questions and researching Asking Questions  Continue making your home a safe place to ask lots of questions.  No shushing or shaming.   Write your family’s Compassion Focus on the top of a blank piece of paper.  Stick it up somewhere (ours is on the cabinet above the fridge, easy to view from the counter where we eat breakfast).  Tell your family, “If you hear anything about Haiti/Hunger/Cancer put it on here.  If …

A Birthday Party

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When someone talks about a Birthday Party, what comes to mind? Probably a cake, a pile of presents, some out of tune singing, and people gathered together.  It’s about a person.  We go to a Birthday Party to celebrate that person.  We are glad they were born. Our lives are different because they are in it. And, because you are a normal human being, you might be a little stressed at that Birthday Party.  Maybe your child is rubbing chocolate frosting on a grouchy uncle’s sleeve.  Maybe you’re so busy and you don’t have time to waste at a party.  Maybe you and your friend are in a tough season and singing feels strained. When someone talks about Christmas Morning, what comes to mind? Probably stockings, a pile of presents, and kids in pajamas.  It’s about family, being together, and giving and getting fun new things.  We feel happy being with people we love.  We like seeing people open gifts we thoughtfully picked out just for them. And, because you are a normal human being, you …

Our Story – How the Family Compassion Focus was Born

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[This story was first published on the Reconciled World blog on 12/11/14.] Christmas wasn’t supposed to be terrible. My husband, Chris, slipped his hand around my waist and we smiled, looking at our kids playing with their new toys on top of all the strewn wrapping.   We exhaled and congratulated each other on giving our kids another Christmas to Remember. And then: “You got more presents than me! That’s not fair!” “Your present cost more than mine! That’s not fair!” “I think you should give one of your presents to me! This Is Not Fair!” Our faces went slack. What happened? They knew Jesus was the Reason for the Season. We read the Bible story an hour ago. We had more Nativities than Santas. Where did this ugly entitlement come from? How did our kids miss the point of Christmas? He muttered to me, “This is awful. It can’t be like this next year.” We broke up the fights, assembled some toys and rallied our way toward Christmas cheer. I then remembered seeing a book …