[featured on Perissos 7/11/16]
My oldest friend was my biggest fan. She ran ahead to prepare the way for me. She’d say, “Have you seen Aimee? She’s so skinny!” Or “Isn’t Aimee cute? Those freckles!” Or “You can’t make red hair like that in a salon, you know!” She made people want to like me before I even met them. She made life easier.
Then she got mean. I heard she gossiped and turned people against me. “Have you seen Aimee? She looks pregnant!” And “Why is Aimee so shiny? Is she sweating? Ew.” And “She definitely doesn’t look like someone who runs a lot.” I kept my head down in shame.
I hated her. I wanted nothing to do with her. I cringed and curled into myself.
I’m a rational and forgiving friend. When problems come I’m not afraid to address them, get the bottom of them, seek forgiveness, and extend forgiveness. But betrayal is different.
This terrible old friend is My Body. She betrayed me.
I believe it’s My Body’s job to defend, protect, and promote me no matter what. It’s her job to lie for me, like a good agent. I don’t need to go through the charade of getting carded anymore, but I’d like people to be shocked that I’m 43. I want people to say, “You had twins?! Three kids?! No way! Look at you! You’re looking tight, honey.” I want men to look at me and think I’m pretty. But My Body lets me down.
I want to eat lunch in my bathing suit at the pool without apologizing for how My Body makes me look when I lean over to take a bite.
I want to be excited to go to parties, openings, and dinners without panicking about what to wear from the moment I’m invited. My Body sabotaged my wardrobe. She doesn’t get along with my favorite clothes anymore.
I want to snuggle without cringing when my kids lay their hands and faces on my tummy. They smile and murmur with their eyes closed, “You are the softest, warmest place on earth.” I lay awake with my eyes open, hissing at My Body, “Great. Our kids will remember us as fat. Nice.” Continue reading at Perissos….
- Being the Best Blessing EVER – Perfectionism + Christianity
- Scabs and Scars – Our bodies tell a story
©Aimee Fritz & Family Compassion Focus, 2016.